Could it be?
by RoShell1978
Summary: What if Castle hadn't said no to Beckett's request at the end of THE LIMEY... I'm bad at summaries and I know this story has been dealt with a thousand times over but please give it a try... It's my first fanfic, so be gentle... NOW COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Could it be ?**

« Castle, Can we talk ? »

He wants to say no. He really does. He doesn't want to be near her. The pain caused by her betrayal is still too fresh in his mind. He needs a distraction.

That's why he went to Vegas. That's why he convinced himself that doing things in old way would fill the void in his heart.

But who is he kidding? Of course, he wants to talk to her. He needs this long overdue conversation. He's just afraid of what the outcome might be.

He looks at her, sees the pleading in her eyes and says "Sure".

He's going for off-handed but can't quite keep the harshness out of his voice.

Kate flinches at his tone and suddenly realizes they may have to get somewhere a little more private than the bullpen or even the break-room.

"Let me just grab my coat", she says.

The elevator ride down to the lobby is quiet. Even as they leave the precinct and start walking, they haven't spoken a word yet.

The silence grows heavy and it's killing them.

Kate pounders the right moment to start talking. She senses she needs to make the first move. After all, she's the one who asked him to talk. Only she's terrified she might say the wrong thing and have him walk away for good this time.

Without realizing it, they've made their way to the park with the swings… their swings. Even though, she doesn't believe in fate, she can't help thinking this might be some kind of sign. Like they're meant to go back to that September afternoon. Back to when she had to face him after all these months of silence. Back to when she hoped he wouldn't be too angry with her that he wouldn't even let her speak and try to explain. Back to when she wished she wouldn't have had to be so closed off, so cryptic, so … her usual self. Back to when she relied on their ability to read through subtext.

Only now, she realizes she should have been more honest. She should have had more faith in him. She knows he would have understood she needed time to work through her issues. She knows he would have waited for her. But back then, that's what she was afraid of. Even her therapist called her out on it. The problem now is she's afraid she might have waited too long. Sure she had a lot to deal with but you can only ask somebody so much. Not without giving something … anything back.

Yet she thought they were making progress. They had lived through an agonizing hostage situation, an ex-girlfriend turned traitor, almost drowning while being trapped in her sinking car, the strangest brush with death confronting a tiger while being cuffed together and her resurfacing PTSD, after which she had made a conscious decision to move forward and be more than who she was.

They even made it through a bomb explosion which made her realize life was too short and think about all the things she didn't want to put off anymore.

They seemed to be ready to face their situation but they kept being interrupted, she thinks. They had agreed they would wait for the case to be over but by then, he was giving her the cold shoulder.

What could have happened? she wonders. Her mind went over the details of that day searching for some kind of clue.

She distinctively remembers an abandoned cup of coffee on her desk, a welcome respite after a draining interrogation, she thought at the time.

She was so sure Bobby was involved, so sure he was using his so-called amnesia as an excuse. So she pressed on, wanting him to confess and she got carried away…

The one time she let her secret slip.

And then her mind gets into overdrive… Could it be? she panicked.

* * *

Castle follows her out of the elevator and onto the sidewalk but remains silent.

As they start walking, he thinks she might be leading them to a nearby café to have a sit down conversation but when they pass their favorite coffee shop with her not even making an attempt to enter it, he doesn't say a thing and simply follows her.

Every couple of minutes, he glances at her sideways, watching her try to find the right words to engage him in anyway; try to make sense of this mess that has become their relationship.

When they arrive at the swings, he can't help thinking if she meant to bring them here. Just as he's about to ask her, she turns to face him and he sees is puzzling him: pleading, hurt and shame are swirling around in her misty green eyes.

* * *

Just like that, the reality of the situation downs on Kate.

He knows… and now so does she.

Tears are stinging her eyes as she faces him.

He watches her avoiding his gaze and then forcing her eyes back to his. And as she sits down, a tear rolling down her cheek, she whispers "I'm sorry I lied"


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I didn't intend to write another chapter but the response to the first one were more than I could have hoped for. You actually made my day. So I went back to the ideas I had for this story and came up with this following... I hope you like it_

_Disclaimer: I really wish I own them but they belong to the great Andrew Marlowe and Co_

Chapter 2

Castle sighs and sits down next to her, his stomach clenching, the feeling oddly familiar and yet something seems different.

All these months ago he had felt compelled to follow and listen to her, his spirits somewhat lifted, although he wouldn't have admitted it at the time, by the news of her having broken up with Josh. But he had sat through her monologue conflicted between the relief of finally having her next to him and the need to have her understand the hurt he felt having been shut out of her life for three months not knowing how she was doing.

He had missed her. He had missed bringing her coffee every morning. He had missed her eye-rolling him for having stated their suspect was somehow CIA, spy or alien related. He had missed her making him a better man by the mere fact that she allowed, and maybe even wanted, his presence at her side.

For three months he had only been the shadow of the man he enjoyed being.

For three months, let alone her, he had missed himself.

And so today, their position mirroring the one they had that particular September afternoon, having been aware of her lie for a couple of weeks now; fact that she seems to have realized a few minutes ago, Castle waits for her to go on, as his heart races frantically.

* * *

The fact that he hadn't asked for a clarification on her statement convinced Kate that she had assumed correctly: he had hear her confession and was now, while being eerily quiet, demanding an explanation.

She almost wished he would yell at her. Hell, she'd deserve it, she thinks. She could deal with him being mad. She had always been better at handling anger than facing her true feelings. But he wasn't giving her that option.

As she wishes she'll have the strength to say all she needs to tell him, she takes a deep breath and, while keeping her eyes low, she starts talking.

"This wasn't supposed to happen like this" are the first words she utters and Castle briefly wonders if she ever meant to tell him the truth but his train of thought is interrupted by her next statement. "God knows I tried to tell you before but I was so afraid of losing what we had spent months rebuilding." "I don't know what I should have expected", she continues. "Of course you're angry and you have every right to be. I'd be furious if you did the same thing to me but … Believe me when I say I never meant to cause you any pain". And with that last sentence she looks him directly in the eyes trying to convey all her sincerity through that simple act. They've always been good at reading one another that way and so Kate hopes these last couple of weeks haven't altered that too much.

* * *

As a writer, Castle has become a master at analyzing body language. It comes with the job. If you want to be any good at creating a believable character that people will be interested in and can relate to, you have no choice. It becomes second nature. And what he sees in Kate's eyes at this moment is sincere honesty.

He believes her and yet, he still doesn't know what made her lie to him.

Although something else is bothering him, something about not being completely truthful with her as well, he chooses to ignore it for the time being. Instead he goes for the heart of the matter and in doing so, he speaks for the first time since they left the bullpen.

"Why couldn't you just have told me you didn't feel the same? I'm a big boy. I could have handled that. Sure it would have hurt but…" his voice trailing, choked with emotions.

* * *

Kate is shocked by Castle's words. She doesn't believe what complete mess she made of things. He's really convinced she doesn't care about him.

She knows she needs to set the record straight.

It only takes her a few seconds to get her bearings again. If convincing is what he needs, then that's what he'll get. She'll fight him if necessary.

She twists the swing sideways, so the chains are almost crossing and she faces him. If they're going to do this, they're going to do this right, she thinks.

"Look at me" she states with a little more force.

Castle startles but obliges.

"Don't you dare tell me how I feel" she begins as she tries to keep her emotions in check. "Don't you think that I would have told you if I could have? …But I was a wreck Castle, both physically and mentally."

"How could you possibly want that?" she asks depreciatively.

"For the past four years you've been there for me. Even when I pushed you away, you've always been there for me…And I wanted to be there for you but I needed to be whole. I didn't want you to settle for half a relationship. You deserve so much more than that"

* * *

Castle is so bewildered by her declaration that he barely registers her telling him about the therapist she's been seeing and about the work she's been doing with him in order to tear down her wall.

He can't get his head around the fact that she wanted to be there for him and… Did she really say "relationship"? he asks himself, unable to focus on anything else.

Could I have been wrong? Could it be that _**we**_ might still have a chance?

All these questions are swirling in Castle's mind when Kate grows concerned at his lack of reaction, despite the fact that she just opened up to him and basically told him that she wanted him.

"Rick…? Are you okay? Say something…", she pleads.

"I'm an idiot!", Castle states matter-of-factly.

* * *

_A/N: Any thoughts? I hope I haven't let you down... I think I might be able to pull another chapter, if you're interested._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Still amazed at the response this story got. You've definitely made my week! I'm actually sad this story has come to an end. But I caught the writing bug, so I'm sure you'll hear from me again..._

_Disclaimer: Not mine but a girl can dream, can't I?_

Chapter 3

Kate chuckles a little bit relieved. Castle must have noticed because his demeanor hardens in the slightest.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm still mad. I should have been the first to know. I shouldn't have heard it in passing. I deserve better than that" he says truthfully and Beckett's insides clench at that realization.

"I thought the worst of you" he continues before adding, a little softer now "That being said, I'm an idiot. I should have confronted you when I had my suspicions. It was cowardly not to do."

Kate holds his gaze, determined, through this simple act, to acknowledge his reality. Even though it hurts, she knows he's right. She had let him down.

She also knows it will probably be awhile before he can trust her again and that she'll have to work for it. But Kate realizes that she doesn't mind. It's time she owns up to the fact that she needs him in her life. And she chooses to tell him.

"I know I messed up and I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I can't lose you", she pauses, letting her words sink in.

"How about we take it one step at a time and start with coffee? My treat…" she offers timidly. "I'd like that", he replies with a ghost of a smile and right now, that means everything to Kate.

* * *

It could be so easy to leave it like that but something is still gnawing at Castle. One last secret that could potentially tear them apart.

Before this goes any further, he thinks, they should lay everything out in the open.

Kate watches his expression changing as Rick swallows a lump in his throat and suddenly she's dreading what might come next.

"You should know something" he engages "About the time you came back to work, I received a phone call from a man who identified himself as Montgomery's friend"

Kate listens but only hears random words as Castle's voice becomes distant, muffled, drown out by her own mind and thoughts racing. All she seems to recall is _phone call_ … _Montgomery_ … _safe_ … _stop investigating_ … _steer away_…

* * *

After having explained the situation to Kate, Castle remains quiet as he tries to gauge her reactions. He watches her as she tries to wrap her head around the information she was just given and tries to decide what her next move should be.

Even though she has a shock and horror expression plastered to her face, mouth gaped open, eyes widened and glazed over somehow lost in the distance, he can practically see the wheels turning in Kate's brain.

As she doesn't seem to be ready to express anything other than silent disbelief, Castle takes the opportunity to offer an explanation for his lack of communication on this delicate issue. He knows he must tread lightly. This is _the_ case, _her_ case. One false move, one misguided reason and he could enrage her and send her right down the rabbit hole.

* * *

As he tries to soften his news by telling her how fragile her state of mind was at the time – _three days back and already on a free fall_, as he recalls telling her then – Kate seems to get a grip back on reality.

She hears him say that he couldn't risk getting her involved this soon after her shooting; that he continued investigating on his own because it was less dangerous that way and so he wouldn't lose her again; that he couldn't bear losing her again.

And that's when she snaps out of it!

"How could you do this?" she practically yells.

Castle knew this was coming. He expected this reaction from her. He knew she'd be furious for keeping her out of something that had been her purpose in life for the past thirteen years. But he hadn't expected what she said next…

"How could you possibly think it's less dangerous if it's you doing the investigating? You know how powerful these people are, what they are capable of, what they do to people getting in the way. Everybody even remotely connected to this case is dead, Castle. How could you be so stupid putting yourself in the line of fire?" she continues enraged.

"And don't give me the 'better you than me' crap", she fumes. "You have a family, a daughter that depends on you. You have people who care about you and I…" she pauses, choking on the words. "How could you even think that I would be able to go on without you?" she admits, angrily wiping a tear from her cheek.

* * *

After Kate's outburst, they silently stare at each other for a couple of seconds, minutes, … as they face their new reality. Kate breaks eye contact first, exhaling deeply and clearing her throat as she tries to regain some composure.

She stands up and moves in front of him.

"So… Where do you want to drink your coffee?" she asks

Castle looks up unsure what to make of this shift in the conversation but when he sees the sincerity in his partner's eyes, he grins and follows her out of the park.

* * *

Everything was far from resolved and they still had a long way to go but at least progress had been made. They had finally talked and secrets had been revealed. Trust will have to be earned again but they were moving forward… together.

* * *

THE END.

* * *

_A/N: I'd love to hear your thoughts on this last chapter..._


End file.
